Changes. The Hanson household has seen a few changes lately. My awesome and amazing husband has decided to join CrossfitX with me! I've wondered when the day would come that he would give it a try and I am so proud of him for taking the plunge. It's not easy walking through those doors when you know you will be surrounded by people who might lift heavy, run fast, pull harder, etc. As nice as people can be, and as welcoming as CFX is, it's only natural for fear and anxiety to set in. It has been 19 months since I started Crossfit, but I remember that moment of fear to this day. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere that athletes were present and I sure as heck didn't want to make eye contact with anyone for fear I would have to talk to them. What would I say? I have nothing in common with these people? Right? Oh how wrong I was, and how wrong that perception is sometimes. Although Crossfit members are some of the most fittest on Earth (have you SEEN the CrossFit Games?), they are still just people. People who come from all different walks of life with their own sets of challenges and hurdles. Everyone comes with a goal in mind, and although some goals may be vastly different than our own, they are still special goals with very deep meaning behind them.
Jon is doing an awesome job, and each day that he goes in it is progress towards his own personal goals. I can't even explain to you how proud of him I am. He does so much for our family, and as my husband, I just want the very best things in life for him. If Crossfit can give back just a smidge of what he has done for me then it is all worth it. I love you honey!
Where I am now. When you last read a post from me I had just failed to complete the PAT for the Bellingham Police Department. Although it is embarrassing to have everyone read about a failure, I would not take it back because people need to understand that journeys have struggles and you have to find a way to work past those, not hide them. I took some time to dial back the training for a month to give myself a mental break. I put way too much pressure on myself that time, and it mentally drained me. Rumor has it that the next entry-level recruitment will be in August and you better believe I will be there to try again. It didn't take long for me to get bored and back to 5-6 days a week at CFX though. Although I would like to say my nutrition is in high gear right now, I can't. My weight is now in between 157 and 160. That means I have lost 80lbs since joining CFX 19 months ago. I still feel that my body needs to loose at least another 40lbs though, so it's time to finish this weight loss ride so I can focus on building the healthy body I need to have.
My strength has improved at CFX but not as quickly as I would like. I know the reason behind this though, which makes me kick myself every time I think about it.....NUTRITION. People, I can not emphasize this enough, no matter how much work you put into working out you will never reach your goal unless your nutrition is completely dialed in. This does NOT mean drinking meal replacement shakes full of chemical additives. This means learning how to fuel your body using real food, the right kind of food. My saving grace has been Paleo. I would be lying through my teeth if I said it was easy, because it can become overwhelming while working full time and having a family, but it is do-able. So why don't I just do it then? I wish I could give you a simple answer for that but I can't. Perhaps I am just still struggling with emotional/stress eating, and perhaps I still don't fully believe I can finish this. The 2nd idea is probably more fitting. Yes, I've lost 80lbs. Yes, I can deadlift my body weight in workouts now. Yes, I can clean 102.5lbs and get 135lbs over my head. Yes, I used to wear a size 26 in clothes and just bought a pair of size 10 pants. BUT....I still see myself as the fat girl sometimes and still let the little nagging voice in my head tell me I can't finish this because it's too hard.
This week has been a good week at CFX, especially the last 2 days. I was on vacation last week and even though I tried to be "good" I was off the wagon quite a bit for what I consider my normal nutrition and workouts. Monday came and I was still stressed out that 2lbs had crept back on after a week, and I was wondering how hard it would be to get those 2lbs back off. I have worked so hard for those 80lbs to be gone that it makes me so angry when they come back, so I was stressed. Then I was checking the Women of Crossfit = Strong Facebook page ( https://www.facebook.com/CFStrongWomen ) and saw that the page host, Meg, and put up the picture I sent her of me doing a 1-handed handstand. The encouraging comments I received on that post were so uplifting and just what I needed to remind myself that this is not just about me. This is about me sharing my journey so that other people can be encouraged to finish theirs as well. To top it off, today's WOD helped put things into perspective:
Warmup: 2x400m runs...then,
1600m run
Rest 8 minutes
1200m run
Rest 6 minutes
800m run
Rest 4 minutes
400m run
Dude, that is 3 miles of running. That's ALL we did today. I told myself today that I was refusing to give in to any type of mental fatigue. I have trained hard enough and long enough that my body CAN do all of that without stopping, so it ws 100% a mental WOD and I am proud to say the WOD lost :). I did each of those intervals (400m = 1/4mile) without stopping and my time were pretty darn good! Everyone still lapped me, but that's a-ok...I accomplished my goad and impressed myself by doing faster than usual so I will take it! *then my crazy awesome husband decided he had to give it a go too, soooo proud! Ladies night was tonight and my legs were pretty dang tired but we had fun with that too and it was awesome to see our CFX ladies giving it their all.
Reality. I wish I could just surgar-coat if for you....but the fact of the matter is that hard work is the only way you will see lasting results so you better just start now. If you start now and it takes you 32 months, at least you didn't wait 32 months to start! I see so much potential in people who are struggling with their weight and/or fitness level because I am them. That will always be a part of who I am no matter how I look on the outside. For the rest of my life I will struggle with temptations, hypothyroidism, and very slow metabolism. But I want to reach my dreams so badly that I'm tired of letting that other part of my life win.
Never stop trying again. If you are sitting on the fence about something you need to do in order to accomplish your goals in life (no matter what they may be), just ask yourself this: What do I have to lose, and how will I feel in a few months if I had not given it a shot now? Failures will come, and setbacks will inevitably happen...but those who never give up are the ones who build character and help to changes the lives of others.
Let's give this another shot, be patient with me, and let me know how I can help you in your own journey. My life has been drastically changed by CFX, and I want everyone to know they are worth the effort.
