There are times in our lives when we make a commitment to change something about ourselves because we have simply had enough. We are tired of living the same way day in and day out, without ever reaching the potential that God has in store for us. That change may be physical, emotional, mental, relational, or a combination of several. Whatever the reason, you decided that you were finally worth the effort. Days go by, weeks go by, and then for the first time in your life...months go by. It's the first time you haven't quit on yourself. You gain a new sense of self-confidence as each day passes without you falling off the bandwagon. Your former self would have quit a long time ago, because you keep telling yourself "you always eventually quit, so you might as well give up now". Your former self would take the easy way out, yet endure the pain of letting yourself down again.
Never stop trying again. Never. This has now become your new motto, and it keeps you going when things seem tough. It keeps you going when you slip up and have something not on your new lifestyle menu, or you choose sleep over that 5:30am workout. Just when you feel that you're on the upswing of this new journey, you are reminded once again that there are things you still can't do. There's still something that you really wish you could do, but you haven't conquered that yet. For many of you, that might be running your first mile, or doing your first perfect-form push-up. For others of you, it might be loosing 50lbs and being able to hold your bodyweight over your head. For me, it was an 18" metal box that has taunted me ever since I was able to complete 12" box jumps without much effort.
18 inches...I am 3.3 times taller than 18 inches, yet it still seemed so tall. Every Saturday when the big CFX workout happens and the crew comes out in full force, it was becoming harder and harder to not be self conscious about still having to use the 12 inch box. It's probably the only thing I've been self conscious about while at our box. For some reason I swear it would taunt me just saying "this is one thing you CAN'T do, you just can't jump this high". So, I would listen to the stupid piece of metal and only jump 12" each time, while feeling like I could do twice as many as required and still not be winded yet. I allowed myself to give in to the intimidation.
Last week, that 18" piece of metal finally lost. Skill work for the morning was snatches and tall box jumps. I knew this was finally my time to get over my fear of not jumping high enough. Yes, I'm short....but dang-it, if girls like Carly (one of the sweetest and strongest CFX girls I know, and just as short as me) can jump on 24" boxes then surely I can manage 18"! Right? Right? Well, I wasn't sure, so I leaned on my coach for guidance and finally conquered something that was trying to get the best of me. I first used 2 PVC pipes [which we use for stretching] to propel me up onto the box. Then I did running leaps towards the box. Then I finally made it, freaking myself out so much that I quickly jumped down :). I had to do it again just to make sure it was not a fluke, and sure enough, I can now do 18" box jumps with a smile. Another step forward was moving from a green band on the pull-up bars to blue. When I started CrossFit I couldn't even do black-banded pull-ups. I had absolutely NO strength. To know that I am only 2 bands away from having an unassisted pull-up is crazy.
The only reason I was finally able to get that 18" box jump is because I refused to let intimidation win, and I leaned on those who I knew believed in myself more than I did at the time. My coach told me he knew I could do it. Even though I am sure he tells that to everyone, I knew in my heart that he really DID believe I could do it. That's when I had to just do what he told me. When things feel hard and it doesn't seem like you can do it......just do what they say. Tell the negative voices in your head to shut up, and listen to the words of someone who is trying to help you change your life. You are worth so much more than the intimidation brought on by your own "18 inches", whatever that may be. If you want it bad enough, you will find a way to get past those 18 inches. It hurts, and it's scary, but the changes you can make in your life will rock your world!
I know I say it over and over again, but I am so glad I found CrossfitX and the rest of the CrossFit community. They truly want to see you reach your full potential, no matter what level you are at. Whatever that source of encouragement is for you, find it and never let go. The pain of discipline hurts....but it NEVER hurts more than the pain of regret. Give the gift of chance to yourself. Your journey is waiting for you.
